


lost before the war began

by WithYourRhythm



Series: short Naruto drabbles [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, Gen, Guilt, What Have I Done, be warned, this has undertones of old grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-09 23:52:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16459466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithYourRhythm/pseuds/WithYourRhythm
Summary: (Sai knew that he could never learn to be a human properly. But sometimes-Sometimes it wasn't that hard to be ahuman.)





	lost before the war began

Sai examined his hands.

 

There had been so much bloodshed, but his hands were still clean. He wasn't surprised, there was no way he could mess it up when he had been doing this for his whole life. If he ever made a mistake, his Master would...

 

No. Sai did what he had to do.

 

(Was it really necessary? Or was his hesitation when he saw the little girl with tears in her eyes a mistake?)

 

(Sai knew that he could never learn to be a human properly. But sometimes-

 

Sometimes it wasn't that hard to be a _human._ )

 

_What would you think of me if you could see me now, Shin?_

 

Sai blinked.

 

_You wouldn’t think of anything. Because you're dead._

 

Sai was just a tool. A soldier, a weapon waiting to be used and thrown out. Nothing more, nothing less. He didn’t deserve to feel emotions, it was his duty to dedicate himself to death so that the residents of his master's village could sleep peacefully.

 

He never forgot that.

 

If his master told him to kill a happy family, Sai would do that. If he had to stab his own comrades and those he had been trained with in their back, he wouldn't even blink.

 

When he had to follow the man with silver hair, it didn't matter if his mind whispered _Shin_. Him being caught while following that silver-haired veteran shinobi with a red eye had nothing to do with his dead brother. And it was another lie that the punishment he had received for failing to fulfill his duty gave him a feeling of satisfaction.

 

Shin was nothing for him. He was worthless, nothing.

 

If Sai had cared about him, his Master would erase Shin from his mind.

 

(Sai couldn't let the memories of Shin be taken away from him. That was exactly why Shin had to be nothing for him.)

 

The only thing that was left of Shin was the gray memories Sai remembered without feeling anything.

 

And if he couldn’t ignore the bitter taste on his tongue after that thought, if there was a strange look on his face as he looked at the book that was filled with drawings except one empty page-

 

Well. Nobody had to know about that.

 

After all, it was his master who had taught him how to be quiet.


End file.
